This GRIEVING LOSS ritual/liturgy was designed for participants of HEALTHY GRIEVING workshops/retreats and follow-up Support Groups … those experiencing loss :  of a loved one; employment; housing; financial security; family pet; limb; eyesight; income; mobility; hearing; intellect; 
relationship; chronically-ill partner/spouse/close friend, etc.   For more info about HEALTHY GRIEVING workshops/retreats/support groups (a SOULISTRY-sponsored offering) contact june @ soulistry dot com

© june maffin

An Introduction
This ritual/liturgy emerged after decades of journeying with people who were experiencing a “blue” time at Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid, Yule etc.  When all around them was gaity, laughter, partying, they were experiencing sadness, mourning the loss of a relationship, or the loss of a loved one (who has died or who will not be with them over the holidays), dealing with health issues, financial concerns, the loss of their job, family pet, eyesight, income, mobility, hearing, intellect, etc. and their feelings were anything but festive.  I introduced the “Blue Christmas” liturgy to various churches over the years: music interspersed with readings, silence, candle lighting and remembering.  It was helpful for those who wanted and were physically able to come to a church service, but what about the others?

I believe that being gentle with ourselves is important whenever we encounter stress in our lives and because making time to grieve our loss (whatever form that takes) is vital to our overall health, I created the following.  It’s my hope and prayer that something in this ritual/liturgy will be of comfort to those grieving loss.  I appreciate and welcome your comments here or my email inbox.

Grieving Loss Ritual/Liturgy (lighting of candles, quiet reflection, inspiring quotations to ponder, quiet music in the background)
* As each candle of four candles is lit (hopefully in a darkened or semi-darkened room to get the full effect of light emanating from the candle), it might be helpful to have some quiet music in the bg or be in silence. Turn off the tv/loud music/cell phone and try not to begin this ritual when others might make demands on you. This is your time. As you speak/think each phrase, do it slowly, reflectively.   There is no need to hurry.

* You might choose the same colour for each of the four candles or mix and match your candles because of the symbolism associated with specific colours: blue – the colour of hope; white – the colour of wholeness; red – the colour of love; green – the colour of growth; purple – the colour of spirituality.

Directions are in bold. Words you say (aloud or silently in your heart) are in italics.
To begin … take a few slow, deep breaths inhaling a sense of peace and exhaling that which brings anxiety.    When your breathing has slowed down …

Light first candle
then say … aloud or silently in your heart
I light this candle to remember those persons who have been loved and are no longer are part of my life in any tangible way.
I pause to remember him/her/them.
(Give yourself time to remember and name him/her/them.)

I give thanks for a memory that connects him/her/them to me.
(Give yourself time to do this).

May Eternal Love surround him/her/them.

[Silent time for reflection and some gentle, deep breathing]

Light second candle
then say … aloud or silently in your heart
I light this second candle to redeem the pain of loss.
(Give yourself time to think of whatever and however you are experiencing loss at this time)

As I gather up the pain of the past, I offer it, asking that the gift of peace, of shalom, of wholeness be placed into my heart and open hands.
(Give yourself time to do this)

May I be refreshed, restored and renewed.

[Silent time for reflection and some gentle, deep breathing]

Light third candle.
I light this third candle to remember myself.

I pause and remember the past days, weeks, months (years): the down times, the poignancy of memories, the grief, the sadness, the hurts, the anger, the pain of reflecting on my own mortality.

If there is need for forgiveness – I offer it now, knowing that forgiveness is not forgetting, but it is letting go of whatever binds me to negative thought.  I choose  to forgive the other, forgive myself (forgive God if this is appropriate to your belief).
(Give yourself time to do this)

May I remember that dawn defeats darkness.
Take some time to reflect on the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail” (first attributed to Confucius: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling down, but in getting up every time we do”) … the words ascribed to Buddha: “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” … and the words of Claude Bristol: “It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief.  Once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”

[Silent time of reflection and some gentle, deep breathing]



Light fourth candle
I light this fourth candle to remember the gift of hope.
I give thanks for that which is good in my life and name those people, situations, abilities, gifts, strengths/etc. for which I am grateful.
(Give yourself time to do this)

May I remember the words of Anne Lamott: “Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up”.  
Take some time to reflect on the words of Pierre Teillard de Chardin: “If the only prayer you utter is ‘thank-you’, that would be sufficient” … and on the words written on a wall at Dachau prison — “I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining; I believe in the stars even when I see them not; I believe in God even when I don’t see God” … or as Earl Riney put it: “The stars are constantly shining, but often we do not see them until the dark hours.”
(Give yourself time to do this.)

[Silent time of reflection and some gentle, deep breathing]

Bring this ritual/liturgy to a conclusion by saying:  “Amen. So be it. Amen. (“Amen” simply means “So be it.”)

With the saying of “So be it – Amen,” it is time to do something for yourself: a long, leisurely hot bath; a steaming hot cup of tea/hot chocolate; time spent writing in your Journal; a walk in the outdoors; some quiet time in the darkness looking at the lit candles; listening to some gentle music.  Whether you are aware of it or not, there are people who are “with you.”  You are not alone.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one and prayer is something that brings you comfort,

you might want to reflect on the following prayer, say it aloud or in the silence of your heart at Hanukkah, Christmas, the anniversary of the loss of your loved one, Winter Solstice, etc.

“God/Creator/Holy One (whichever is most appropriate for you to use), I come to you this Christmas /Solstice /winter time, with the pain inside me.  As the nights have been growing longer, so has the darkness wrapped itself around my heart.  In this season of our longest nights, I offer you the pain in my heart, the trauma of loss that I cannot put into words.

Compassionate One, death has changed my experience of this time of the year. Once it was a special day for me, but someone special has died.  This Season seems to bring forth a grieving over what might have been.  I ask you to be with me and help me through the difficult moments as the Christmas Season reminds me of all that used to be and cannot be anymore.  The memories of what once was, the fears of what may be, disquiet my soul.  All around, I hear the sounds of celebration.  But all I experience is a sense of feeling blue.

Please be near me at this time and even if I do not believe / no longer believe /or my belief is fragile, I offer this prayer “Help my unbelief … and bring healing to my soul.”

© june maffin     www.soulistry.com    june @ soulistry. com

Unlike far too many books on spiritual matters, “Souistry” offers all comers a cordial and restorative way into the exploration and care of the interior life.

www.phyllistickle.com  Phyllis Tickle is the founding editor of the Religion Department of PUBLISHERS WEEKLY and was Academic Dean to the Memphis College of Art before entering full time into writing and publishing.

Starting with the invention of a new word “SOULISTRY,” she guides her readers through the creation of a journal and lets them find their own “answers within”. She brings to the writing of this book an impressive educational background (ordained Anglican priest, PhD in pastoral theology among others) and a wide range of experience. However, the impact of an illness she suffered and the process of her healing became the primary impulse for writing this spiritual autobiography. Her approach combines spirituality and creativity.

The structure of the book offers a step-by-step guide to spiritual journaling. It is complex, yet easy to follow. The main and most important step is to move through the Journal Prompts and their Soul-Questions. This step is the crux and the purpose of the book.

The 86 Journal Prompts are inspirational quotations from extraordinary people from different centuries. Among those represented are priests (Herbert O’Driscoll), writers (Mark Twain), poets (Rainer Maria Rilke), philosophers (Lao Tzu), mystics (Julian of Norwich), monks (Thich Nhat Hanh), artists (Michelangelo), as well as proverbs. Some of the quotations and their authors are well known, others less so. All of them prompt a thought provoking response. Each quotation has a title such as Mystery, Faith, Happiness, Peace Within. The following Chinese proverb prompts the feeling of happiness.  “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone else.”

Each Journal Prompt is accompanied by Soul-Questions. Together they are meant to stimulate the reader’s spiritual response and awareness. The title Happiness, for example, with its Chinese proverb prompt is followed by these Soulistry Soul-Questions:
* Do “being happy” and “being joyful” have the same meaning for you?
*   If not, what is the difference?
*   What contributes to your happiness?
*   In your Soulistry Journal, reflect on a time in your life when you were happy. What was the occasion/circumstance? How did you feel?
*    How can helping another bring happiness to the helper?
*   What can you do to “help someone else” on a regular basis?
*   Are there individuals, or community/environmental/political/religious organizations you might help? Journal who they might be and how you might be able to offer to help them.

In Dr. Maffin’s own words her book will encourage the readers to connect more intimately with their spirituality and offer new ways to nurture their spirit. In the Epilogue she asks the last question: “ Who are you?” Having journaled through the prompts and questions, the answer(s) may surprise the reader.

The remaining parts of the book provide biographies of the quotation authors, listing of the prompts and soul-question titles, the Soulistry story and Soulistry retreats and workshops.

Dr. Maffin’s book is useful even for those who are not able to journal. It can be used at any time, any place, on any page at any prompt and it will immediately lead the reader to a moment of spiritual calm.

SOULISTRY should be kept as a guide for contemplation. And that is where the value of this slender volume lies.

Hana Komorous, Librarian, Christ Church Cathedral, Victoria, BC

Soulistry is a simple book yet incredibly complex. It is a small book but hugely big. You can read it in an afternoon yet it can take a lifetime (or lifetimes) to fully absorb.

There is a saying that there is only one thing you can take with you – your evolution – and one thing you can leave behind – your art.   Thanks to June Maffin, the wisdom is this book is something you can take with you and what ‘soul-full’ art she has brought to the planet.

I was not disappointed. The slender volume packs a virtual universe into 144 pages. The seeds are contained within 80 quotations and the probing questions that follow each. These pages contain enough journaling prompts to keep a person writing for years, exploring and expanding with each small thought. The source quotations demonstrate the expansiveness of Maffin’s personal spirituality, including Christian classics such as St. Augustine and Thomas Merton and branching out into the whole world — American Indian, Chinese proverbs, Lao Tzu, Buddha, Michelangelo, Mark Twain, Anaïs Nin, Desmond Tutu, Dalai Lama, Jesus … Without an overt word, she demonstrates that faith and spirit transcend boundaries of limiting belief structures.

The quotations and question-prompts would be a rich meal unto themselves, but she doesn’t leave it at that. The book begins with a brief Preface explaining how to get the greatest benefit from the book and a short Prologue that gently nudges anxiously questioning minds into soothing channels of encouragement. Any reader will appreciate at least a couple of her six appendices. She gives simple instructions for making your own Soulistry Journal volume and tells the inspiring story of the health affliction that led her to discover the combination of soul and artistry. Two more appendices will appeal to the inner organizer or librarian within many readers. She gives brief background sketches of each quoted person and lists the quotations alphabetically by the titles she assigned.

Even if you never write a word, this uplifting volume will give you plenty to think about, but your life will be much richer if you do record your responses to prompts. Orderly souls may prefer to begin with the first and work their way through in an orderly fashion. Free Spirits may pick and choose, selecting those quotes and prompts that resonate most strongly on any given day. Some may prefer to write simple, spontaneous answers and move on. Others may spend hours over a period of days or weeks drilling deeply into specific questions, fully mining their riches. However you use this book, your life will be richer for letting Maffin’s simple seeds take root in your soul.

Sharon Lippincott
StoryCircle Book Reviewer

http://www.storycirclebookreviews.org/reviews/soulistry.shtml

June Mack Maffin’s own spin on creative recovery poses questions to the reader; Socrates himself might crib notes. The book consists of a series of questions to prompt creative journaling and intense introspection. An explorer of the inner planes face puzzles such as “Loving Your Enemy” and “Peace Within” followed by questions that rifle memories for the birthplace of attitudes and open doors to ideas unconsidered.

Soulistry takes the work of Cameron and pushes the borders: many of the questions reveal details about the soul a journaling person might feel unprepared to receive. A person needing inner work can get much out of this book; Maffin’s questions lead to deeper personal questions that delve into hidden aspects of self.

~review by Diana Rajchel
“Facing North: A Community Project”

Author: June Mack Maffin
Circle Books
pp. 132, $13.95

Soulistry: Artistry of the Soul: Creative Ways to Nurture Your Spirituality

By: Diana Swift
staff writer

Soulistry. In case you’re wondering, “soulistry” is a neologism coined by the Rev. Dr. June Mack Maffin as shorthand for artistry of the soul. Her new book of the same name, published April 29 and subtitled “Creative Ways to Nurture Your Spirituality,” is a spring tonic that speaks to the very essence of us. It’s trip into the élan vital.

The book guides readers through soul journeying and soul journalling, prompting them to have profound written conversations with themselves and with the mystery that lies at the heart of existence. Keeping a spiritual diary as a tool of self-discovery, soul travellers work their way through a series of  Journal Prompts—inspiring quotations that lead to Soul-Questions. Their responses to those questions are designed to help them know themselves more intimately, to clarify what they really believe about life, relationships and important issues, and to help them grow fully into their humanity.

The almost 80 catalyst quotations harvest the wisdom of sage minds from different walks, faiths and ages—pebbles for the spiritual pocket that can be taken out and appreciated at any time, in any order. Slake your spiritual thirst on topics ranging from faith and hope to goodness, mystery and wisdom with citations from ancient Chinese proverbs, Buddha, Christ, Navajo chants, Khalil Gibran, and Dag Hammarskjöld. Each quotation is followed by thought-provoking questions.  Here are two of many that got my attention.

The whole secret of the spiritual life is just this painful struggle to come awake, to become fully conscious.—Gerald Heard

“What does ‘to come awake, to become fully conscious’ mean for you? Have your life, your spiritual journey as ‘struggle’ as ‘painful’? If so, how?”

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it.  Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. — Chief Seattle

“Reflect on the ‘web of life’ metaphor. How do you see yourself as ‘but one thread within’ the web of life?”

Maffin, an ebullient Anglican priest and spiritual workshop director based in Duncan, B.C., on Vancouver Island, began working on this soul-soothing book a few years ago when her body was racked with pain from mercury poisoning, her muscles atrophying and her mind foggy, unclear and incapable of concentration. “For a year, even reading was a challenge,” she says.

The Montreal-born Maffin’s career path has been more varied than most. Sent to elocution class to cure a stutter, the young Maffin was discovered by a producer and became a teenage TV personality, which parlayed itself into her appointment as Canadian editor of a U.S. teen magazine. She studied sociology at Concordia University, taught high school in Montreal and was considering law but digressed into seminary and the priesthood. She holds a PhD in pastoral theology and is the author of an earlier book Disturbed by God. Nowadays, Maffin focuses principally on her ministry of Soulistry, acting as a workshop and retreat leader to help people make the connection between creativity and spirituality, thereby nurturing their souls.

Asked how spirituality differs from emotionality and intellectuality, Maffin replies, “Spirituality gets at the very essence of who and what you really are and what you believe about the important things in life.”

Soulistry Circle Books, 2011, $13.95. Available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, The Book Depository and local bookstores.

Many of us strive for greater understanding of how the spirit operates in our lives and how to nurture that spirit. Or, we feel stuck and yearn to become unstuck and to develop a practice to follow. For seekers such as these, The Rev. Dr. June Maffin’s Soulistry — Artistry of the Soul, will be a great gift.

The practice Maffin outlines begins with buying or creating a Soulistry Journal (instructions provided), and writing in it.

Journal entries are personal, not necessarily to be shared. The practice includes considering quotations from individuals whose wisdom Maffin has found useful (called Journal Prompts) and Soul-Questions which, together with the Prompts, can spark a thought, a memory, a question, together challenging the seeker to connect more intimately with one’s spirituality. The act of responding to the Prompts and Soul-Questions is itself a spiritual task, for Maffin states that order is not important. Find a Soul-Question that “speaks” to you, she says. Journaling these responses may be a new experience or something you’ve done before, perhaps under other circumstances or with other intentions. “Soulistry” is a coined word combining two words — soul and artistry — and was created by Maffin together with her son, hence the references to Soulistry Journal, Soul Space, and Soul-Questions. Some will find these words helpful, others, incidental. What all will find nurtures the spirit is the prompting of the quotations, and — especially for those who were feeling stuck, the list of Prompts/Questions already prepared for consideration.

The care with which Maffin has developed the series of activities is made evident by the instructions for making a Soulistry Journal: she describes what’s required, what’s optional, where to cut, fold or sew, and how to complete the Journal. Even those who consider ourselves inept will discover how easily we can accomplish this task. Since journal writing is meant to be a personal conversation with oneself and God, writing responses to the Journal Prompts and Soul-Questions help clarify what you believe. Even here, Maffin offers options to consider. It’s not obligatory that journal writing be solely personal; some might find it helpful to seek guidance from a counselor or spiritual director, she writes. The sources of the quotations — what Maffin refers to as Journal Prompts — are wide-ranging, some from the Christian tradition, others not; some names known to all, others, less familiar. These include spiritual leaders such as Thich Nhat Hanh, philosophers Martin Buber and Gerald Heard, Chief Seattle, poets Anne Sexton, Robert Frost and Langston Hughes, thinker/educator Confucius, Francis of Assisi, Julian of Norwich, Gandhi, Gordon Light, Thomas Merton and Herbert O’Driscoll. And Jesus. And many others.

My efforts with the practice Maffin has outlined taught me that the Prompts do indeed prompt reflection. And the Soul-Questions do cause one to dig deeper.

A final gift to the reader is Maffin’s description of how this book came to be.   Illness, healing, ‘stepping out in faith’: lived experience.

Book Review by Brenda Berck


St. Mary’s Kerrisdale



Published in TOPIC, Diocese of New Westminster newspaper    www.vancouver.anglican.ca (click on left side of screen for PDF link to the Summer 2011 issue of TOPIC where the above book review can be found.

“Making changes in your life is difficult and requires work, so much so that many people are not willing to make the effort.”

Like so many explorers who kept a diary of their adventures, this guide to journal- keeping gently asks the questions that only the traveler can answer. A thoughtful read and a gentle gift for someone you love who is struggling with life’s questions.

Mary Lawler 
Artist, 
Marketing Director for ArtId (www.artid.com)